Cuddling is a simple, low-pressure way to show someone you care about them. It’s wholesome and sweet, with just the right amount of intimacy without the risk of pressure that comes with other physical activities. Cuddlers are lucky: These days, it feels like more people are willing to give cuddling a shot. But if you’re brand new to the idea, it can be tricky to know how to proceed. How do you ask someone if they want to cuddle? What are some good locations for cuddling? What kind of cuddling is there? Do you need special clothes or props? Do you need a pre-established signal in case things get awkward? Are there rules or etiquette we should know about? If so, what are they?

The Basics of Cuddling

Cuddling is the act of snuggling up with a partner, family member, or close friend in order to enjoy each other's company. Cuddling is a low pressure way to enjoy physical intimacy. Cuddling is not just for romantic couples, either. Friends can cuddle, too! In fact, studies have shown that cuddling can reduce stress and strengthen social bonds. It feels really nice to be held and close to another person's warmth. Cuddling is a great way to show someone that you care without needing words.

How to Ask Someone to Cuddle

If cuddling sounds like something you want to try, there are a few different ways to go about it. If you’re with a friend, you can just say something like, “I’ve been really stressed lately. Would you mind cuddling for a bit?” If you’re with someone you’re romantically interested in, it can be trickier. You don’t want to put them on the spot by asking, “Will you cuddle with me?” If you’re in a relationship, you can try asking your partner if they want to “Netflix and chill” (cuddling and watching TV). If you’re not in a relationship and you want to ask someone out, you can try something like, “I’ve really been missing being held lately. Would you be up for a hug or cuddle?”

Don’t Hit On Someone While Cuddling

Even though many people associate cuddling with foreplay or sex, cuddling is not a gateway to hooking up or even dating someone. It just isn’t. Cuddling is not a catalyst for sex. It is a bonding behavior that is meant to bring you closer to another human being. Cuddling is not a sexual act and it shouldn’t be treated as such. If you try and turn cuddling into something sexual, you’re doing a disservice to both yourself and the other person. If you’re hoping that cuddling is the first step towards getting into someone’s pants, you’re setting up both of you for disappointment. Cuddling is a non-sexual, non-romantic way to bring two (or more) people together. It’s a bonding experience that provides comfort and closeness. Cuddling isn’t a sexual act and turning it into one can make the person you’re cuddling with feel really uncomfortable and gross. Cuddling shouldn’t just be a precursor to sex. It’s a precursor to nothing. It’s a stand-alone activity meant to bring you closer to another person.

Do Pay Attention To Comfort And Consensus While Cuddling

Cuddling is meant to be a pleasant, comfortable experience for everyone involved. If you’re cuddling with a friend, lover or family member, make sure you’re both completely comfortable and that the other person wants to be cuddled. If you’re cuddling a friend, pay attention to their body language. If they seem tense or squirm away from you when you try and cuddle, they may not be comfortable with your cuddling. If you’re cuddling with a romantic partner, talk to them beforehand. Make sure they’re okay with cuddling with you. Make sure they don’t have any objections or reservations. If they do, listen to what they have to say.

Don’t Demand Or Force Cuddling

This may seem like a no-brainer but some people try to force cuddling on others. If you’re cuddling with a friend or romantic partner, and they are not interested in being cuddled, let them go and back off. If you’re with a friend, try cuddling with them once, and if they don’t want to cuddle again, let it go. If you’re with a romantic partner and they don’t want to cuddle, respect their decision and don’t force the issue. You don’t have any right to demand that someone allow you to cuddle with them. Whether you’re cuddling with a friend, lover or family member, the other person has the right to say no to your cuddling attempts. Cuddling is a voluntary activity that should be consensual. If you try to force cuddling on someone, you’re being invasive and inconsiderate.

What positions are available for cuddling?

There are a lot of different ways to cuddle — about 80, actually — depending on what feels best to you and your partner. Depending on your comfort level, you can cuddle fully clothed or in your underwear. Holding each other with your arms around each other is one of the most basic cuddling positions. Cuddling while lying on your sides facing each other is called diagonal cuddling. It’s a great way to cuddle if you need to stay upright (like if you have back/hip/leg issues or you’re in a chair or wheelchair). Cuddling while lying on your sides facing away from each other (also called Spooning) is another classic position. Spooning is great for people who like holding each other and being close, but don’t want to make eye contact. Other positions include Forking, Papa Bear, Gummy Bear, X-Factor, Sardines, Pancake, and many more.

Good Locations for Cuddling

You can cuddle lying down, sitting, or even walking. If you’re with a partner, anywhere you’re both comfortable will work. You could lie in bed, on the couch, on the floor or even outside. Depending on the person you’re with, cuddling outside could be really cool (like on a beach or in your backyard). If you’re cuddling with a friend, you can try finding a quiet, comfortable place to relax. Your friend might be more comfortable in their own home than in a public space. If you’re cuddling with a friend who lives with their significant other, your friend may be more comfortable doing this in a public place.